Seeking the Spark – By MVC Guest Author, Erin Nelson
My husband Bryan spent his 50th birthday saying he feels like his life has been hijacked. I’m wondering if we all feel a bit that way. Have you ever felt this confused? Few of us know what’s really going on in the world. Even if we think we do. Since our son Carter died in late September we’ve been plunged into the unknown and then COVID and now we are stepping into an important space of re-evaluation.
I feel a physical heaviness.
Our family gatherings are filled with spirited conversations. We are unafraid to go there. And I’m glad. But as we come at current events from every side, I’m asking everyone to throw in a few puppies and rainbows now and then.
I feel Carter being inched out with the bigness of it all. And I don’t like it.
But really there’s little to talk about. How about that trip you took? Or the one you’re looking forward to? A summer movie you saw? Bryan says there’s baseball – but that even sounds complicated. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for inspiration. There are noble humans doing beautiful things and I want to see them.
A Jewish proverb says, “If you seek a spark, you will find it in the ashes.” And I want to seek the spark. But first, there must be ashes. Much of what made me feel like home is burning. But the spark in the ashes gives me hope that the rebuild will be stronger. And I pray the spark will ignite what Jesus said is most important. He wants us to love ourselves and others. No really – he wants us to love ourselves. To nourish our bodies and souls. We are starving. I heard a Harvard researcher say that we are losing our minds and it has something to do with the internet. And how about loving others? It looks like we are “othering” others instead of loving them. We are physically apart so it’s easy. I’m trying to remember that we are all guilty. And we are all forgiven. I’m grateful for The Journey this year at MVC and the breath prayers that keep me anchored during times like this. One of my favorites right now is from John Eldridge.
“I give everyone and everything to you.”
May the spark we find in the ashes be THE Divine Spark. The essence of the truth and goodness that is truly HIM. If we find ourselves unconsciously misguided, may His faithfulness keep us and lead us in His ways of righteousness. It’s for His name’s sake that who He REALLY is will emerge from the ashes. To ignite something in us. Something TRUE and BRIGHT.